Robert Orben

Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.

I don't blame the Indians for being discouraged -- they were the only ones ever to be conquered by the United States and not come out ahead.

I don't blame the Indians for being discouraged - they were the only ones ever to be conquered by the United States and not come out ahead.

Our accounting department is the office that has the little red box on the wall saying, "In case of emergency, break glass." And inside are two tickets to Brazil.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense and the past perfect.

I take my children everywhere, but the always find their way back home.