Robert Benchley

Są tylko dwie klasy ludzi: ci, co dzielą ludzi na dwie klasy, i ci, którzy tego nie robią.

A great many people have . . . asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

Defining and analyzing humour is a pastime of humorless people.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.