Ogden Nash

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.

I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all.

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -- did you ever try buying them without money?

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.