Fran Lebowitz

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.